With step parenting, the norm is to use , "we", and "our" as there is, by necessity, a 'sharing' of the child. ?This is not only commonly found in step parenting households, but also in households where an adoption has taken place, or in foster homes. ?The personal "my" or "mine" is common for biological parenting.?
Where a step parent is the 'only' parent the child has ever known, the word "my" can come into the language. ?
The sample is small and we need more statements from him and other family members.?
The stepfather of missing Tia Sharp has made an emotional appeal as the search for the 12-year-old enters its fourth day.
David Niles outside his house.
"Just find my little girl," David Niles said outside his house, adding that the family were "in bits".
Note the use of "my" which is unexpected in step parenting, personal and upclose. ?Note that he calls her "little girl" in context of being missing.?
The 29-year-old went on: "I just want to find my little girl ... how would you feel if it was your daughter? We're in bits, the whole country has helped us and is supporting us. I haven't slept in four days.
Same context with same wording. ?His mentioning of his own sleep may be sensitive as caring as if "real"; see how he describes himself coming up. ?
"Natalie (Tia's mother) is in bits ... the police have done everything."
Here, the step father speaks of the police in a positive manner while the child is missing. ?This is something to consider as more statements become available. ?We expect that the parent of a missing child to be displeased with the lack of success. ?Sometimes, praising the police is a signal that the subject wishes to be portrayed in a positive light. ?Justin DiPietro thanking the police publicly, while not cooperating privately, comes to mind.?
Expected: ?frustration, anger, fear, not praise of the police. ?If the police have done "everything", there is nothing more for them to do.?
Tia has not been seen since leaving her grandmother's home in New Addington, south-east London, at noon on Friday.
It has been reported that the last person who saw her was her grandmother's partner, Stuart Hazell.
But today Mr Niles said he was unsure about that. He added: "The last time I saw her was on Thursday morning before going to work (at the family home in Mitcham).
no sensitivity noted as with the word "left"
"She had a friend stay over. She was good as gold. I know I am not her real dad, but I have been there since day dot. I have fed her and bathed her. I just want her home.
The past tense reference: ?
When he said, "she had a friend stay over" he refers to a specific event in the past therefore, the verb is appropriate.?
Next: ?"she was good as gold" ?This either indicates a belief or knowledge that she is dead OR he is referring to her behavior, specific to that night. ?This, of course, raises the question about her behavior: ?was she normally not good as gold? ?
Note that he praises her "good as gold." ?No disparagement. ?Note that as "real" dad presented in the negative, very important and may explain his sensitivity about not sleeping. ?He may feel a need to prove he really cares. ?
A step parent is likely to lack some of the natural denial that a biological parent, especially a mother, may have. ?
Has 4 days given him reason to believe she is dead? ?Did she have associations that he did not approve of? ?Does he suspect the grandmother's boyfriend? ?What has led him to think of her in the past tense?
"Bathed her": ?This is unusual for a step father to say about a 12 year old girl. ?It may be that he is attempting to show that he has been like a "real" father to her. ?We would need to ask follow up questions, and this may be consistent with his defensive posture about being a "real" father to her. ?He may be referring to her when she was an infant.?
However, she is missing and the reference to bathing should cause investigators to explore sexual abuse of her. ?It should not, and must not, be discounted, but cleared. ?
"When she left the house she shouted 'Bye' and 'See you by six'. She always takes her phone but it was dead."
The use of the word "left" here is noted. ?Note that she "shouted"...was she at a distance? ?Was there an argument? ?did she leave without permission?
Note that he does not use a term of endearment or describe anything like kissing or hugging, which is more common in attempts to persuade that there was closeness. (see Misty Morrissey)?
Tia's grandmother, Christine Sharp, speaking from her terraced home, said she hoped an image of her granddaughter taken outside the nearby Co-op on Thursday would jog people's memories and bring forward new information.
"We're hoping the pictures will jog someone's memory, yes," she said. She thanked the community for supporting the family but declined to speak at length.
A man inside the house, who did not give his name, said the family did not want to talk and were going through a terrible time.
Tia vanished after telling relatives she was going to the Whitgift Centre in Croydon town centre.
Police have been scouring hours of CCTV footage but said they had not found any trace of the schoolgirl, who has never gone missing before.
Hundreds of Missing posters have been distributed around New Addington and Tia's face looks out from most local shops and noticeboards.
At a bus stop close to her grandmother's house in The Lindens, well-wishers have left dozens of burning candles and tealights with hand-written signs asking for Tia to be brought home.
Source: http://seamusoriley.blogspot.com/2012/08/stepfather-pleas-for-12-year-olds-return.html
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